The sources of the Pasquinade Press have recently brought the following to our attention: it seems that the United States Congress has used taxpayer money to embark on a field trip to the as-yet-unopened Harry Potter Wizarding World.
The trip is on public record, buried under pages and pages of bookkeeping. However, the tireless insiders at Pasquinade Press forged bravely ahead to reveal to the American public where their hard-earned dollars are really going: to a meticulously crafted theme park in Universal Studios, Florida.
The records indicate that 535 special preview tickets to the theme park were purchased, along with the materials for that many bag lunches. Some of the representatives insisted on free-range turkey cold cuts as opposed to the standard-issue Boar’s Head. Once at the park, the visitors were allotted funds for one butterbeer, a Hogwarts souvenir robe, and a ride of their choice.
When we inquired about the trip, several Senators shrugged off the suggestion that perhaps spending public funding on such things was unethical.
“It was really fun! So much detail. And I mean, who doesn’t want a souvenir Hogwarts robe? Go Gryffindor!” said Mark Pryor, an Arkansas senator. John Kerry took a slightly different approach:
“Well… they seem okay with us using their money to think of new and creative ways to kill people…” he says thoughtfully with a finger on his chin. “But in reality, spending it on something that’s an extension of such an ardent advocate of Satanism and witchcraft probably wasn’t the best idea. I’m sorry. I’ll just take my purple hearts and my butterbeer and go.”