Nerds Rage Over Retro Comic Tees

Nerds are not to be trifled with. It’s a known fact that while primarily docile creatures, provoking them is like messing around with a goose. One goose may seem an easy target. But inevitably other geese arrive, and then pummel you with their 20-sided dice. In any case, someone has disturbed the balance of nerd calm. A force far more irritating than guidos and far less prone to threats of genocide than furries: Hipsters.

The explosion in the trend for retro clothing has reached an all-time high recently. But the truly die hard hipsters are unhappy with Marvel shirts sold in target. Instead they flock to high end clothing stores to buy superhero tees designed with the utmost dedication to retro design. These shirts are bought by said hipsters with little thought to whether they know the actual fictional heroes portrayed on said clothing. And the nerds are revolting.

“I don’t want the flannel cocksuckery of hipster culture allowing some heathen to announce he likes Green Lantern. He probably doesn’t even know who Sinestro is.” said one thickly bespectacled young man. We asked for his name but he then became distracted by the game of Chrono Trigger he was playing. Seriously, we tried really hard to get his name. But hipsters think very differently of this purchasing trend. One girl-jeans-wearing gentleman in a vomit colored hoodie explained that, “I saw the guy from Fear Before wearing a shirt with Batman on it. It goes great with my vintage loafers. It isn’t a crime.”

Not a crime indeed…but if it was I’d make it punished by canine facilitated castration.

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