Dear Megan Fox,
I’m writing this to you because I know that when you hear the way I feel about you, you’ll know we were destined to be together. And furthermore that I’m not some nerd jerkoff who liked Transformers and thought you were perfect as a complete shell of an actress playing an expert mechanic with model features. No, I’m not just another fan, because having seen your body of work, I understand you have far more to share then poses for good FYE discount posters. First and foremost, there is your extensive choice of roles. Plebeians who say you are just “The hot chick” obviously don’t notice your flawless acting ability. Why, when you looked revolted at the Transformer humping your leg in “Revenge of the Fallen”, I knew that you were really channeling the disdain felt by a character who was being mock-fucked by a robot car with a Brookyln accent. When you were trying to promiscuously seduce that emo guy in “Jennifer’s Body” I could totally believe that you were portraying a girl that uses her sex appeal to gain attention and power. That you were acting. Not that you are like that in real life. Just to clarify I don’t think you are. I think overall what I’m trying to say though is that your 90210 boyfriend doesn’t deserve the intelligent refined woman who you are. Hence why he squandered his chance to be married to you having nothing to do with your need to sell your sex appeal as a single woman. And now you see that by understanding your passion, I’ve gotten closer to joining our hearts. This isn’t the last of my letters Megan…or as I affectionately call the Real Doll with your face pasted on it, “My Queen.” I’ll show you I am worthy of your affection yet.
Till I call upon you with sweet nothings again,