Nuclear Security Summit Agrees On Disposal Methods

The recent Nuclear Summit has outlined a clear goal: securing the world from the ever-present threat of nuclear apocalypse.  While many nations agree that the proliferation of nuclear arms must be made a safer and better-monitored process, it has been extremely difficult to get nations to compromise on a single, solid method of doing this.  Then, with the announcement of the 11th annual Gathering of the Juggalos, the 47 convening countries were finally able to bury the hatchet, so to speak, once the United States announced plans to empty a majority of their nuclear arsenal on Cave-in-Rock, Illinois starting August 12th. Since then, other countries have been vying for a chance to show their solidarity, offering any number of missiles to the effort as well.

In an official statement issued on behalf of the British government, a representative “wants to thank the United States for their ingenuity and trailblazing compromise.  Though the rest of the world is no stranger to slaughtering thousands of their own for a greater good, no nation has ever made it as productive and worthwhile as the United States is about to.”

Though the Juggalo subculture is mostly endemic to the United States, it was agreed upon internationally that assistance in their decimation is key to showing appreciation for the nation’s tendency to loan out military aid for similar purposes.  While some argue that extinguishing the lives of thousands of Insane Clown Posse fans is a controversial and cruel way to rid the world of a vast amount of weapons, the conscientious objectors are outnumbered by enthusiastic supporters of the idea.

The United Nations issued this statement: “While it is generally frowned upon to engage in nuclear disarmament by detonating your entire arsenal at once, the target in question is such that we feel confident in the international backing of this effort regardless of the consequences.”

There has not yet been a statement issued by the Insane Clown Posse or their fan base, however it is widely believed that in order to make some sort of coherent statement, it is best to hold off from the use of methamphetamine for at least 48 hours.  Update soon to follow.

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