Fifteen Year Old Terrorist Spec Op Masterminds his Own Demise

Terrorism is never an issue to be taken lightly. Throughout history there have been individuals like Martin Luther King forging a new world via peaceful yet powerful methods. But there are men as determined who choose violence and threats as a means to their end. The root of their success is the implications they provide. That an ordinary man can hold within him a ceaseless factory of hatred and contempt, constantly forging new tragedies to inflict upon those who question their goals. It’s the potential for such damage within all of us, unleashed in the terrorist, that makes them so garish a spectacle.

In the sleepy town of Glennsdale, New Jersey, such a spectacle was in fact unearthed, and its implications are beyond those any average citizen could fathom. On 03/30/10  at 11:00 am,  fifteen year old Johnathan Miller stood before his health class. Clutching a little index card for his health presentation on contraception, Miller appeared the epitome of teenage innocence. Yet it was during the third sentence of his presentation that the grisly truth was revealed. Miller calmly explained that “An IED is a great way to keep a person from having these sort of problems.” Heroic health teacher Daniel Gunderson, 45, immediately leapt over his desk tackling Miller to the floor and instructing a student sitting in the front to call the police.

“I knew that I needed to prevent any sort of detonation,” says a grave Gunderson. “Lord knows what sort of, ‘problems’ Miller was attempting to solve.”  Miller’s mistake in acronym is now being investigated in detail by the FBI as an outburst revealing terrorist links. Reports have even surfaced that the investigative bureau discovered several copies of war games in Miller’s room. The games reportedly take place in regions similar to Iraq, suggesting Miller may have been a sleeper cell, training in combat before deployment. His tearful mother, Joanna Miller, requested she not be quoted, but explained that she knew there was something off when her son started playing violent video games and requesting time alone in the computer room. Specialists agreed that the behavior is likely a sign of  covert actions and are currently looking for the individual who orchestrated Miller’s treasonous transformation. In addition, government specialists are currently using Miller’s history to determine how far his terrorist authority goes, and who else may be involved. Other associates presently due for questioning include the webmaster of Buttlove.com.

But truly, credit goes to the United States education system for Miller’s current situation. If not for the presentation organized by Gunderson, it’s likely that Miller would have continued his training and communication with other operatives, following up on plans that could have escalated to a scale rivaling the 9/11 attacks. Classmate Ronald Williams echoed the sentiment explaining that, “We are all super glad Johnny got in trouble. He was such a teacher’s pet. Plus I didn’t have to present which is awesome be cause I was up late playing Halo and wasn’t that prepared.” More as this story develops.

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