After Providing Donations and Aid for Haiti, America is Philanthropy-ed Out: “Sorry, Chile”

With American relief aid to the victims of the earthquake in Haiti surpassing a billion dollars, the more recent devastating earthquake in Chile has not received nearly as strong of an altruistic response.  The reason given by many organizations? “Well, to be honest, I think this country is philanthropy-ed out,” says an anonymous source working for the American Red Cross.  This idea has, alarmingly, proven true.  Recent surveys show that at the time the news broke of the Chilean earthquake, many Americans immediately became frustrated at the prospect of celebrity telethons interrupting the newest episode of Dancing with the Stars and pressuring them to donate money.
“Another earthquake? Are you kidding? Don’t these people know that I don’t have 10 more dollars to spare by texting the Red Cross?!” exclaimed Angela Dawson of New Brunswick, New Jersey in a Facebook status. Meanwhile in Nelsonville, Ohio, the attitude is slightly less hostile, conceding that the earthquake was probably an effort on the part of the Obama administration to get Americans to spend “even more money” on disaster victims.
“Let me tell you something,” said Ed Mulch, a Nelsonville resident, “there are no victims, only volunteers. If you don’t want to experience an 8.8 magnitude earthquake, think about that before you live on the border of two tectonic plates that have seen some of the most intense seismological phenomena ever recorded.  Donating money to people living there is like donating money to Minnesotans for losing a work day because of snow.” Mulch’s wife, a geology professor at a nearby college, could not be reached for comment, though a recent sighting of the couple at a local mall indicates that she thinks he is a “brain-dead idiot” with “shit for brains.”

Donate to Chilean relief efforts through the good people at Habitat for Humanity.


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